So you want to be my personal stripper

First off, you can not have hair here

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But you can totally have hair here

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You must wear a pair of these

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And one of these (note: it's an ascot, not a tie)

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But above all else, you must be over 40

If you can do all of this, well then, sir, I think you're well on your way to becoming... my personal stripper!