How to deal with being fat, sweaty, and a budding alcoholic on a Friday night:
Step 1: Place (nearly empty) handle of ice-cold whiskey on tummy roll and squeeze between titties.
Step 2: Insert uber-straw into bottle and slurp away until you stop sweating or until the sweat stops bothering you.
P.S. That's my favorite bra. I've had it for 5+ years. It used to match my skin. It also used to not have fake blood and paint stains on it.
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