Dear Tom and body hair

Dear Tom,

I think you and I need to take a sit on your couch with your dog and some ice cream and discuss the men you've slept with. Your fiance can come too.

<3 x 1000000

Bzka

I think this cute/a little fuckin funny. Maybe because I'm the kind of girl who shaves obsessively. Then again, that has more to do with my not liking hair on my body than it does with societal norms or what have you. I say if you wanna go hairy, more power to you. Guys with body hair, I love you too. I'm talking to you...uh...Jude Law?

Seriously, though, I'm not a feminazi.

A wee nugget of golden criticism

“Erasure is not mysterious”

would you like to explain this further, sir? I think erasure can be quite mysterious. Especially when you're erasing someone else's drawing. Nothing to add, you say? I thought not.

Neighbors

So, I ran into my neighbor today going to the store. I've seen her and said hello before, so I said hello. She stared at me like I had a giant swastika tattooed on my forehead. What the fuck, lady?

If I had to guess I'd say it has something to do with the obnoxiously loud laughter and... other noises that have been coming from my apartment for the last couple of days. And the odd looking (creepy looking? never.) man that's been in and out for those last couple of days. What can I say, I feel the need to enjoy an opportunity I haven't really had much since last winter.

Fuck you lady. I'm not doing anything illegal. I pay for this place and I'm gonna use it.

My toe

It looks like this

|

|

V

I stubbed my toe on my door. It is now the size and color of a cherry. I blame the "critical response" paper I'm writing. Fuck you Beuys, and fuck you Buchloh. You're both irritating assholes.

MY TOE IS FUCKING KILLING ME!!!! (jesus fuck, it's just a toe, get over it((no, really though, this fucking kills)))

ETA: I'm about 99% sure my toe is broken. What do you do about that? Oh, that's right, you tape it up and deal with it. *sigh* So it goes, I guess.

Unrelated photographs

This little bitch is makin a web outside my window. Now, I love spiders as much as the next 8 year old boy, but I swear to god, he's sitting there, thinking "Guuurrrlll, if you dun open up yur window fur even one second, I'm'a come in thur and eat yur face right off'a yur skull!" That is exactly what he is thinking, and as much as I love spiders I don't want them in my space, eating my face. Go away, little buddy!

And then there's this:

This is my roommate's first attempt at making a pokeball for a convention costume. Cool, very cool. This version didn't quite work out. But, there's a little something about this one that makes it pretty darn special.

A large portion of the inside is made of some pretty special adverts. Every time I imagine Devs running around in this all day, staring at the ads for TS hookers, I get all giggly.

Why I'm in art school

Oh, perfect world, where are you?

Seriously though, this is true.

They have a mom, but she mostly just hangs around with a video camera and a creepy look on her face.

I'm going to print this shit banner size and hang it at the end of the year student show.

P.S. I made the manliest man in this group look like a pansy... with a porn stache. Sorry. There's only so much about a man's personality one can convey in a stick figure. The porn stache might be okay actually.

The simplified map of my mind times

Conclusions I can draw from this:

- Being happy makes me dumb and penis-hungry (and all other sorts of hungry, obviously)

- Sadness turns the fluffy bunnies into razors???

- Sadness makes me a 16 year old girl

- Sadness is also better for my clothing

- Sadness is also cheaper... much cheaper

- The constant between these two worries me a bit...

- Fuck this, where's the depression at!?!

(at least I'm more fun to be around when I'm happy... right?)

The end my friend

Amaretto iced tea with the roommate. This marks the end of a pretty awesome living situation.

(Psht, I can easily walk to her new home, and she to mine. Such melodrama.)

To celebrate/mourn/whatever you'd call this, here's a gappy pigeon we both think is disgusting. Apparently his name is Frank.

True stuff

Git to the gym, fatass!

Amateur nail art- the continuation

RIP little sparkly blue cock+balls+cum buddies. You will be missed. Luckily some cool shit has happened to my nails since then:

Green and gray. I wanted to do some practice writing on them. It says I M G R N N' G R Y ! I'm so fucking clever. So. Fucking. Clever.
BANG BANG. These are my bullet hole/Bang nails. Yup... I'm a mite proud of them there tips.
And these happened today. They're newspaper nails. I've seen them round about the net. Usually applied in little bits... all collage like. These were just cut roughly into the shape of my nail. Fun times. I need to do it in color next time.

To Mr. G.T. Volume II

Dear Mr. G.T. ,

I think I hate you even more than I did before. You caused something to happen to me that hasn't happened in a good long time. And it didn't just happen once- no, it happened four times... in a row. Fuck you. You owe me $4 for the sheets I had to wash. This makes it very awkward to look at you, just FYI. You're still a tool.

>:(

Bzka

P.S. Why the fuck do beds always come up with you? God dammit. Stay out of my brain!

Not my sheets... they are the right color though. Laundry blows.

The landscape of my inbox

I'm glad it's a private place. I think most of these subjects are Devs' fault.

- here is more of gunfuckin

- gappy gappy pigeon

- ...

- qsssssssssssssssssssssss?

this one is only of importance because the first two lines of text in the message are:

1) Candlewax dripping/branding?

2) Rope burns?

- eames is so stunnin with his love glue gunnin

- heels and ass

- draaaaaaaaag!

- suits and squirrels

- bad porno talk

- slap your ballsacks away

- omfg im getting a hard on from them ...

- so we need to go see mad max

(yeah, in like two years)

- i hate and love myself a little...

There're also some e-mails about plane ticket confirmations. But those aren't any good.

Love you roomie

<3

For Zeke

So this is completely lacking in joy, but these things happen.

Zeke, my dog of almost 11 years, died last night.

He was very old and very sick, and really, none of us were surprised, but I'm going to miss him so much. He was one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met.

I guess my biggest comfort or whatever you want to call it is that he got to die at home with my dad at his side. He was a daddy's boy if I've ever seen one.

I really wish I could have gotten to see him again before he died, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. In any case, if there's a heaven or whatever, I'm sure he's up there right now eating a lot of meat and dog treats.

I love you Zekey, my little Buddha. I'll love you forever. I'll miss you.

IT'S FAILING DAY!

guess who's gonna be hittin' the bottle tonight?

And speaking of strippers...

I don't aim to be an OG. (that's Original Gangster, if you didn't know) If I were to aim for something of that sort, I would be an OP, or perhaps an OS. These stand for Original Prostitute and Original Skank (Slut? Stripper? Any and all of the above.) Same idea, different way of life. Thanks for bringing this glorious idea into my mind, Devs. BTW, I would like to suggest as an alternative to the OP- the OH, the Original Hooker (or Ho) I think it has a little more ring to it than OP.

OPD was also suggested (Original Pole Dancer) but it sounds a bit too much like a disease. It does.

Anyway...

Midterm/Sweet Shoes

Well, I have a midterm tomorrow. Too much stuff. Just way too much stuff. Too many slides. Way too many readings. I'm just straight up going to fail. I have accepted this. Thanks, class, for totally annihilating what has otherwise largely been a week of immense joy and laughter. In short, I'm giving up on studying and painting some bullet holes on my fingernails. :)

The only reason that I am at all happy about this is that afterwards I get to go home, dye my hair (super yay!), and then drink too much and watch some sexy cinema. (that isn't porn... that's for later)

Then I have to write a paper this weekend. Why do you hate me, teacher/class. I've been so happy this summer. Classes should not make me feel such rage. Especially not for a subject that I'm so interested in... *melodramatic sigh*

To counteract my bitching, here's some bitchin shoes (some of which make me wish I was a stripper... just saying)

These first ones... I bought them. I seriously, for real, bought them. I placed the order today. Fuck yes and a half zombie shoes....

And these...I would wear them in real life. Without question.

These too. I want these shoes. I am giving very serious consideration to buying them. I just don't know if they're worth the $175. Still dude, classiest stripper shoes ever. Come on... naked lady on the heel... yes. Yes x100.
I'd buy these too. They're classy in normal terms.
I'm really kinda sad this man is gone. And not just because of these shoes. (they are amazing though...)

Yup... love you hard. So so hard. I don't care if you'd make me fall down and die. You're in the perfect kind of colors for me too...


THESE! These motherfuckers! I've never wanted to be a stripper so bad in the whole of my life.
And these... *lick* Anytime. Anywhere. I'm talking to you, snake heels. Let's party.

Sex and Batman

Yeah, hey Mr. T (not that Mr. T) sorry I couldn't be there today. Thing is, I stayed up all last night making a "Songs for Strippers" playlist, writing soft-core smut (that will, of course, become hard-core smut) and watching Batman. I also watched some porn. But it wasn't Batman porn. As I'm sure you can tell, all of this has left me rather worn out, and just the thought of listening to you pretentiously drone on makes me very sleepy. Imagine the real thing. Do you really want me there if all I'm going to be doing is snoring and drooling all over myself? You probably do. That's because you're a tool. I, however, am going to opt out and get some sleep. See you in a couple of days.

This is what it would be like if people were honest about their excuses for not going to work/class.

I did stay up all night

I made a stripper playlist

I wrote smut

I watched Batman

I watched porn

I am now tired as fuck and don't want to do much of anything.

I may or may not go in today

If I don't, I'll probably say I have a migraine or a stomach bug. Nobody has sympathy for fatigue due to Batman and sex-related activities. *heavy sigh*

Why do you make me lie, world? Why?

I'm probably going in today. FML.

Edit: I didn't go in today. Thing is, I was going to. It's what an adult person should do. I managed to stay up until noonish, and then I made the mistake of sitting on my bed. I fell asleep so fast it would make you cry. I woke up some four hours later, said fuck, and realized I couldn't really send a "this is why I didn't show up today" e-mail at that point. FML x20.

Peaches!

And now round whatever of My Cartoon Heroes! This is Peaches from Rocko's Modern Life!

Peaches, you are the best! Let's go hang out in Heck. I belong there, anyway. I'm a total glutton. (or, as Heffer would say, gluten)

I don't think I can take it anymore

So, my hair was this color for a very long time.

And now it's this because I guess I wanted my natural color back.

Thing is, I want my goddamn platinum blonde hair back. I don't feel natural with my natural hair color. It doesn't agree with my clothing or my makeup or anything. I know I need to stop dying my hair or it's going to fall the fuck out. But... come on. I can't deal with stupid ashy grey blondish brownish fugly color anymore. I think it's time for a CVS hair dye run! Platinum blonde FORFUCKINGEVER!

The big 50/ Cutting Perfection

Well, here I am. 50 entries in. I thought I'd put something slightly less idiotic up. These are some of the pages from a book/series I did this past semester. The whole thing is titled "Cutting Perfection." TAKE A LOOK, BITCH!

P.S. Sorry the pictures are so terrible. I've not had a chance to properly photograph them yet. :(

Oh, and if anyone's interested, these are all marker/colored pencil/water soluble crayons on bristol board. They're all 11 x 14.

WKUK

I love this show. WTF, Darren?

Mad Libs

This is what happens when immature adult human beings do madlibs. These are the answers my roomie Devs gave to the "My Dream Man" madlib, and my answers to the "Love Letter 2" mad lib. Enjoy.

My "Dream Man" should, first of all be very Plump and Pink. He should have a physique like Tom Hardy, a profile like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the intelligence of a/an Panda. He must be polite and must always remember to Fuck my Penis, to tip hisVibrator and to take my Lips when crossing the street. He should move Thrusting, have a/an Fuzzy voice, and should always dress Delicately. I would also like him to be a/an Naked dancer, and when we are alone he should whisper Swift nothings into my Ass and hold my Supple Calzone. I know a/an Toaster is hard to find. In fact the only one I can think of is Val Kilmer.

Dear Sweetheart,

I lay awake all Vagina thinking of you, your Putrid smile, and our Dildo in the Bathroom. Potently, I recall our meeting, how my heart Boned with Boob when I first saw you. How Wrinkly you looked in that Orange Penis and those two Shiny Scarveson your Assholes!

I cherished every moment we were together and was Cuddly when our date came to a close. I can`t say how Clammily I regret spilling Cum on your Taint; you were Grumpy about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you`re Grumpy.

You`re Lumpy most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of Chocolate Sauce, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as Tampons. Your lips are like succulent Chicken Nuggets. Your hair is Purple like a Squirrel on a summer`s day.

I can`t wait to Spank with you again. Write soon.

Enticingly,

Your Friend

Edit: Oh god I can't stop doing these. This one just... just came out so well. This is the "Personal Ad" mad lib. I am a pimp.

I enjoy long, Sweaty walks on the beach, getting Squirted in the rain and serendipitous encounters with Mushrooms. I really like piña coladas mixed with Cum, and romantic, candle-lit Panties. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Tom Hardy. I travel frequently, especially to The Bathroom, when I am not busy with work. (I am a Pimp.) I am looking for Lube and beauty in the form of a Nigerian goddess. She should have the physique of Sally Struthers and the Bosom of Devon. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my Balls. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 3.51days ago, and I have since become more Pimply.

Edit 2.0: Oh god oh god....one more. I inadvertently wrote a love letter from one stuffed animal to another. This is "Love Letter 4"

Dear Hedgie,

You are extremly Beefy and I Hump you! I want kiss your Penis 135 times. You make my Dildo burn with desire. When I first saw you, I Drunkenly stared at you and fell in love. Will you Slap out with me? Don`t let your parents discourage you, They are just jealous.

Yours forever, Horace The Hippo

Inception/Tom Hardy

So, now that I'm about a day and a half late... I saw Inception on Friday (hells yes midnight show!) It was pretty sweet, guys. First off, it was a complete visual treat. The sets and cinematography blew me away. For what was a fairly complex idea/story, it was easy to follow. Having said that, it was still intelligent and exciting. Very exciting. In any case, I'm no critic, so I'm just going to stop and say it was awesome.

And me being me, I also have to say- DAMN! delicious cast! Christ! Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ken Watanabe, Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy. Even Marion Cotillard. She's a beautiful lady. (Sorry Ellen Page, you're alright, you just do nothing for me). My hormones haven't been so abuzz since I was 13.

And a special shout out to you, Tom Hardy. God damn you're lovely. More people need to know who you are.

ADVENTURE TIME!

Holy shit! This show is just fabulous. It's a bit like a half-hour long LSD trip with questionable morals. It's just... ugh! It makes me so happy. It airs on Cartoon Network on Mondays at 8 (at least here on the east coast.) WATCH IT!

This is Manfried the piñata.
This is Lumpy Space Princess (L.S.P.) She is voiced by a man. I love it.
But the best of all is Key-per. Look at this cute little bastard. God I just want to keep him forever and hug him every day.

In conclusion, watch the damn show. There's a marathon today!!!

Nail party/The life and death of Derpy-cat

My friends blew off class. Instead, we had a nail party.

This is Steph. (and her nails, of course) Yellow on red leopard print. I did the actual pattern, she did the red herself.
This is Devs (A.K.A. the writer of Manticipation) Green on shiny bright pink zebra print. She did it herself. I'm so proud of her.

This is Kate. It started out as plain green, and then she wanted little cats on the thumbs. One cat, as you can see, turned out cute. The other did not- his name is Derpy-cat. I did both of these cats. What the fuck, self? Sorry, Kate.

Eventually little Derpy-cat was just too much to deal with and he had to be put out of his misery. Here you can see Cute-cat and the dissolved remnants of his brother. May you rest in peace, Derpy-cat.

And last but not least, here's me. My plain old sparky blue nails just felt so out of place in a room full of bedazzled nails. So, this happened. I don't think anything else needs to be said. Kate did the cock+balls and Steph did the jizz. I love you guys so much. This is the best thing that has ever happened to my nails.

In conclusion, weekly nail parties!